The 2011 Oscars are taking place on Monday. From 12:30pm to (around about) 5pm Sydney time.

If you care about the Oscars at all (like we do), you have a few choices… You can avoid the media all day (including Facebook, Twitter and annoying bosses who yell out “Oh yeah! I knew Natalie Portman would win!”), and then enjoy the delayed telecast on Monday night. You can resign yourself to the fact that you will know the major winners by dinner time, and enjoy the coverage for the frocks and corny speeches. Or you can throw yourself into it completely – take the day off work and watch the telecast live at home or, even better, on the big screen.

To help you decide, here are the nitty-gritty details from a Sydney perspective.

The fingers-in-the-ears “la-la-la not listening” option

Turn off the internet. Turn off the radio and the TV. Listen only to music on your iPod. (Extra points if your playlist for the day consists solely of songs from movie soundtracks.)

When you get home, the Channel 9 coverage (with all that frock-y goodness) starts at  9:40pm. You’ll be up late.

The no surprises option

If you’re going to hear the winners throughout the day anyway, you may as well go all-out and make sure you’re getting the news as it happens. My choices are:

• The Sydney Morning Herald (starting with photos of the frocks and followed by a page that’s updated in real time as awards are announced)
• The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences on Twitter

The red carpet will get going at about midday, with the ceremony itself kicking off at 12:30pm. You’ll still be wanting to watch the delayed broadcast at home later (details above), but you may want to make yourself some kick-ass popcorn to distract yourself from the fact that you already know what’s in the envelope. May I recommend Jamie Oliver’s Christmas popcorn recipe as the kick-assiest there is.

The Oscars long weekend option

So you’re taking Monday off work to make sure you see the whole thing live to air? I admire your commitment. If you’re staying at home, you can watch the coverage on either free-to-air or pay TV:

• Channel 9 has the red carpet at midday, and the telecast at 12:30pm
• Starpics has even more red carpet coverage from 10am and the telecast at 12:30pm

But why stay in? The following Event Cinemas locations will be showing the whole show live, all starting at 11am and finishing around 5pm:

• Bondi Junction
• Campbelltown
• Castle Hill
• George Street
• Macquarie
• Top Ryde

Tickets for Gold Class at all locations are $65 per person, including a glass of bubbles. Vmax at Top Ryde is $30 per person, also including the bubbly.

Whatever your Oscars option of choice, I hope the Academy gives awards to your favourites. (As long as Colin Firth gets the best actor gong.)